I’ll Carry You. . .

This morning as I woke up to have my quiet time in the word

I open the door to the common area and found one of the boys

sleeping in there.

Instantly I was bummed cause everyone else in the house is asleep

and there is no where else I can go.

So I headed to the kitchen to clean up and get it ready for the day. After breakfast we had worship and the team leading wasn’t taking it seriously and was just joking around, so in my mind I was like, dang it, today is just so off.

As we left the house I usually sing to myself,

as we walk the twoish miles to our ministry area.

I tried to start as I left but then I just quit.

Today was off and I just couldn’t get myself to do what I normal do.

My tank felt empty .

I couldn’t poor out when I didn’t first to soak in Gods overflow.

As we turned down this road,

That is probably a half mile long,

The man showed up next to me.

He started to hum,

Then softly he started to sing,

Praise and worship,

In English,

Just loud enough for me to hear,

A huge smile covered my face,

As I started to sing along with him.

We sang two or three songs together as we walked.

As we came to the end of the road,

I turned to him and told him his English is good,

He said he is in the process of learning.

His name was David but today God used him,

To carry me, down that short road,

With praise on my mind and heart.

Even when I couldn’t manage to do it myself.

This is the God we serve,

He cares so much for us

That he would cross this mans path

With mine, just when I needed it.

So I want you to know the rarity

Of this situation, rarely do people

Here speak English. Rarely to they sing

In English and even more rarely do they walk down

The same road as this muzungu (white person)

And just happen to be so filled that they can

Poor out our Gods love into me. 

I just love her.

I Was Made For This. . .

Since being in Rwanda I’ve had a hard time writing.

My inspiration seems to be everywhere else but here.

Often times I can write best when I am giving up my rights.

Rights to clean hot water, shelter, food.

But since being here I haven’t had to give any of those up.

We have clean HOT water.

We have been blessed with a beautiful house.

We are living in a country that grows amazing food,

So we are eating so well.

So I have been a rut for getting a new perspective,

Until today. . . .

Today I got my inspiration back,

We have been doing street ministry this week.

Where we go door to door and get to know people,

Learn their stories, and share some of ours.

Hours are spent with these new friends.

We laugh, we pray, we share.

And glory is given to God.

This week has been amazing,

For the first time in seven days

I felt like I was in Africa.

Don’t get me wrong the people,

the moto’s (motorcycles),

the smells, the laughter,

have all been here.

But something has been missing,

it just doesn’t feel like

the Africa I was in six months ago.

I couldn’t put my finger on what it was though.

But it just didn’t feel right here.

Today we spilt our team into two groups,

One team had three people and the other two.

Each had a translator and a leader

Margaret was ours and Pastor Claude was their leader.

We walked opposite directions.

One team up hill,

And we headed down hill.

As we walked down the dirt road,

that was covered in rocks,

used soda pop caps,

and crater like dips,

I found myself anxiously thinking

about what God had in store

for this new day and this beautiful place.

The dips we crossed and walked in

are run off canals from the rainy season.

Which makes it very interesting to watch cars

Attempt to drive these side streets.

As we walk we are surrounded by large gates,

Broken glass aids as a security system

cemented to the tops of the walls surrounding the gates.

Laughter from children fills the air as we walk

But I cant pinpoint exactly where it is coming from.

Every bit of me wants to knock on every gate

until I found where the laughter is coming from.

And play with the children.

As we continued Margaret our leader

asked us which way we felt lead to go

Alysha and I looked both ways,

Immediately I felt lead to the left

but I wanted to see what she would say.

Alysha looked and the pointed to the left also.

As we walked we could see a few men standing and

Some other ladies sitting on the ground preparing food

As we approached some kids came flooding down.

Probably seven or eight kids all around four and five.

As I bent down to their level

another kid spotted me and came running to me,

she was probably four or five,

with wide spread arms,

and a huge grin on her face her little

dirty brown hands

wrapped around my neck,

Instantly peace swept me and I knew that

This is what I was made for.

Those hands, this country, these people.

Kids continued to swarm down the hill

and wrap their arms and legs around us.

As we walked over to sit and share with these people,

The children followed with eyes locked on our every step.

Trying to get as close as possible to lay their little hands on me.

My heart melted.

Its like they can sense my love for them.

And my heart for them.

These hands, these eyes, these smiles fill my spirit.

The Africa that I left six months ago was here all along.

I just needed a change of perspective and to take a different street.

So often in my life I tend to walk the same path, day in and day out, crossing paths with the same people and making the same small talk.

But I don’t believe this is what God is calling me to do.

I think he has bigger paths and different roads for me to walk down.

Ones that might make me uncomfortable at times but in the long run grow me into the person he made me to be and ultimately more like Him.

“He must become greater and greater, and I must become less and less.”

                                               -John 3:30

We sat with the ladies for a few hours, we shared the experiences we have walked through in our lives and  how we learned to forgive people without them apologizing. And that sometimes our circumstances don’t change but our perspective does and through doing this our life is changed.

While we shared the women and children listened intently and you could really feel them taking it to heart. After we gave them the opportunity to share about themselves and what they had been through. Out of the seven or eight women there only five of them stayed and listened and talked with us the whole time. Mind you, we interrupted their days, we weren’t invited we just showed up. And this is also why I love this culture so much just the willingness to stop what you are doing to build a relationship. So as they went through their stories many of them shared similar things, growing up with no parents, being taken advantage of at a young age, and resulting in multiple children with multiple fathers. Now I want to take a second to say that these women are no different from you and I, they have the same desires as a young girl but the one major difference is that they were born into poverty, in a different country. No choice involved here. I have heard people say that even though they are born into poverty they can choose their future but when you are born into a family where you don’t have running water or food regularly and education costs money, school really gets placed on the back burner if not completely removed from the picture. My heart breaks, why them, why not me? I know God has big plans for these people whom he treasures so much and I’m so thankful that I get to be here with them during this chapter in their lives and mine.

I also believe this is why God gave me Jesse, together we are two hearts chasing after one God and trying to become more compassionate for his world, his people, his eyes, and ultimately his hands. We both are called to ministry and ultimately one day to the mission field. Thank you for your encouragement back home sweetheart it means the world to me that you are becoming the strong leader in our soon to be family (You, Me, and Childers) and I hope to continue becoming your help-meet J

Thank you God for blessing me with the support back home to be able to come here and serve these beautiful people. Thank you for teaching me that stuff means nothing to you. Thank you for showing me joy in the dirtiest places and reminding me that serving others brings a greater joy than anything this world can give. I pray that you would continue to break my heart for what breaks yours and that I will never be to busy to take a new road, pick up a piece of trash, or feed a hungry person.

 (P.S.- Dawn Heres this second one is for you!!! :) )

Urgency Of The Gospel. . .

"And he said to them, 

Go ye into all the world,

 and preach the gospel to every creature." 

-Mark 16:15

I have never felt the urgency of the gospel before.

I have lost family members and friends,

but they were both walking with the Lord when they passed away. 

A greater sense of peace was over me when that happened,

cause in my mind thats the way its supposed to be. 

But it doesn't always work out that way. 

Back in Durango I have an AMAZING bank.

Usually people laugh when I say that, 

cause they are like, "Its just a bank".

But my bank is not just a bank. 

They know everyone by name,

by like day two of banking there. 

And every year, for the last five years, 

they have sang happy birthday to me on my birthday.

Its the little things in life.

One year one of the tellers got me a beautiful necklace for my birthday. 

And multiple times they came and visited me at work :) 

Every time I go in there I always have to put extra money in the meter because there has been multiple times that because of chatting with the wonderful tellers 

and sharing stories i have come out to find a lovely present on my car, a parking ticket :(

I brag about my bank at work, to my friends, everywhere I am. 

And since doing all my fundraiser stuff for YWAM before I left I was in there every two days or so sharing how close I was getting and what I was doing. 

So this past weekend my heart broke.

Literally in two.

I heard that their was a plane crash outside Silverton,

and that it was caring alpine bank workers.

For some reason the first person I asked about was Tyler,

one of Jesse and I buddies.

But at that point in time names had not yet been released.

Yesterday Jesse called and told me all the names of everyone

 on the plane and my heart broke, again. 

Tears started to stream down my cheeks as he went through each one.

I couldn't get my head around why my heart ached so much more

that I had truly felt before.

As I cried and processed yesterday a thought comes to my mind,

you don't know their eternities.

You spent five years with some of these banking friends and you don't know their eternities. 

Multiple times they listened to stories of what God was doing in my life.

But never, not once did I ask what he was doing in theirs.

Or if they knew him and knew of his love. 

I always thought that actions speak louder than words and so through my actions they would see Jesus.

But actions don't tell people how to except Jesus as your Lord and Savior. 

People may be drawn to you because of your actions

 but if they don't know that their really attraction is to Jesus and Gods character 

because God made them that way

then they miss out. 

On this wonderful relationship with the God that created us.

They miss out on falling in love with your creator.

All because my actions may speak louder than words 

but my actions never speak in the place of words. 

The good news needs to be shared.

Three friends passed away this past weekend 

and I hope that someone was more obedient 

that i was 

and at some point in time took time to shared the gospel 

and salvation only possible through Christ.
As my heart continuously breaks,
i cant help but be reminded that Jesus's heart hurts so much more
than my heart can even imagine. 

Red Shirt. . .

Today was awesome, in its simplicity. 

Today we discussed the Simple Gospel. 

Laid out in FIVE scriptures.

#1 "For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God's glorious standard."

 Romans 3:23

#2 "For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord."

Romans 6:23

#3 "But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners."

Romans 5:8

#4 "If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved."

Romans 10:9

#5 "NOW you are free from your slavery to sin, and you have become slaves to righteous living."

Romans 6:18 

Then we followed this teaching with preaching!! 

We stood and practiced preaching the gospel, the simple gospel! 

So good.

So so good.

Then i got this idea of us taking it a step further

and going down town.

For a TREASURE HUNT!!

So i talked with my outreach team,

 we decided that it would be the perfect thing to do today. 

So we each packed up three peanut butter& jelly sandwiches to give away, 

and prayed for piece of our treasure hunt, 

we had a three words/visions,

first of a soldier,

second of a blue truck,

and two of us got a guy in a red shirt, 

so we grabbed a trash bag for the walk, 

and headed out to clean and bless people in down town Kona. 

As we were walking and picking up trash I thought to myself, "eww cigarette butts, i don't want to pick up those" then I heard this question in my head, "Courtney, are cigarette butts trash?" 

I didn't even need to answer, 

i just bent down and picked them up. 

Within minutes one of my other teammates asked me, 

"Do we have to pick up cigarette butts?" 

I smiled and asked, 

"Are they trash?"

Aahahaha, 

God you are so stinking funny sometimes!! 

Then within a few seconds we came up on another teammate and they asked, 

"Are you picking up cigarette butts?" 

I just smiled at the first one who asked and said, 

"Are they trash?"

Aaahhhaaa the ways You work!! 

Then we continued on our journey downtown

 we came across a shopping cart, 

not just sitting but pushed 

on its side down a small hill covered in nastiness. 

I look at one of our teammates 

and ask him if he is going to go get it.

 And he did. 

SO now our team is caring trash bags,

 pushing a shopping cart,

 and looking for homeless people to feed, share the simple gospel with, not to mention the blue truck, red shirt, and soldier. 

(p.s. we kinda look like the homeless people now) 

:)

So as we are almost downtown we see a blue truck.

So we decided we need to stick a note on it.

This is what we wrote: 

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

And we thanked Jesus and headed on our way!

We then split into two groups.

So we wouldn't be mobbing people with all seven of us!

Three of us headed off with the shopping cart 

looking for our puzzle pieces.

We came to a park/city center area.

One of my teammates asked if we should cross and go over there.

Another answered and we stayed where we were.

Then I felt like we were supposed to cross over as well.

So finally majority ruled.

And we crossed.

We start collecting trash and heading toward these people who are near the ocean.

As we get closer we cant tell if they are homeless or not and we don't want to offend them.

(then a thought comes in my head, "You have free food, how often are people offended by free food")

So we head over speaking like we know them saying, "Who wants a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?" 

Apparently they were hungry.

Cause they were willing to eat food from crazy young people they just met. 

Then a little closer to the ocean we see a few more people. 

So we start heading that way and saying hello and that we have peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

Turns out there was four people over there. 

Drugs were heavily involved with some of them. 

And they were all stoked as well about some free sandwiches. 

We sat with them and one of the individuals Peter, who was in his sixties, and looked eager to talk.

So I asked him where he was from.

And that was it.

The door was open and his story came flooding out.

He shared about anything that came to his mind.

As im sitting there listening to this guys life story 

while sitting next to a house that looks a bit sketchy 

by the half boarded up windows and doors

 and chicken wire everywhere 

and as the sun is beating down on my face 

and the ocean is crashing up against the shore 

as i sit with these new friends

 i get this strange sense 

that THIS, right here, right now, is Jesus. 

I believe He would have sat with 

the individual that not everyone wanted to sit with

and loved them just the same. 

 Drugs, alcohol, and smells. 

He doesn't care, he isn't picky. 

He just wants radical obedience

 to Him, because well He deserves it. 

To LoVe Christ with ALL our hearts, 

and to LoVe our neighbor as ourselves.

So now we get to the red shirt piece.

When we first walked up to these new friends the ONLY one who welcomed us was the guy in the dark RED shirt. 

At first i pushed this thought away, 

thinking this guy wasn't THE GUY, the one in the red shirt.

Because, well, his shirt wasn't the color red that I had pictured.

I know it's silly.

As we said our goodbyes to our friends, 

the guy in the red shirt gave us his beef jerky.

At first we tried to fight it, 

cause well, 

he is homeless 

and we live in abundance.

And he needs it more than we do.

But he insisted we take it with us. 

We thanked him and journeyed back. 

But for some reason I walked away a little disappointed 

that nobody was wearing that bright red shirt.

Then as we walked back to campus every other person we saw walking in and out of restaurants was wearing a bright red shirt.

And then it hit me.

So often I am focus on "the color" I want to see,

 instead of seeing "the color" that I need to see. 

The bright red shirt wasn't the one with the need.

So often i find myself focusing and helping 

where there really isn't a need

 so that I can feel like I did something. 

God,

 give me your eyes to see things like you do. 

Break this cycle

 and teach me to help meet real needs.

Dark red shirt needs. 

The kind I don't often see.

Refocus my eyes Lord. 

Amen.

As we were leaving the guy sitting next to Peter, 

Robert, who was probably in his seventies, 

 reached his arms out like he wanted a hug. 

So I bent down and gave him a hug

 and he whispered into my ear, 

"You're a princess" my heart melted. 

Literally God spoke to my heart through this man with no teeth. 

For the past few weeks I have been reading The Supernatural Ways of Royalty and learning that I need to fully understand what family I am adopted into in Gods kingdom to really grasp the authority I have in Jesus Christ. 

So learning i'm a princess these last few week has just be so sweet especially today. 

Trying To Close The Gap. . .

"Sell your possessions and give to the poor"-Luke 12:33

"How else can I walk out of a mud shack

 and back into my two-thousand-square-foot house

 without doing anything?

 The concept of downsizing 

so that others might upgrade is biblical, beautiful. . . 

and nearly unheard of. 

We either close the gap 

or don't take the words of the Bible literally."

-Crazy Love

Just Some Thoughts and Stories :)

Currently in sitting in week six going into week seven of my discipleship training school.

It so awesome to have this opportunity to learn more about the God i serve and to be able to walk through things and understand why I am the way I am. Lately I have been reading Katie Davis blog and I am completely inspired to live life like God has called her to. Her obedience is inspiring and it makes me giddy thinking of all that God has in store for Jesse and I in these next few years!! So here are a couple of amazing stories that God allowed me to be part of. . .

Ipod Touch:

Last weekend i was going down to the beach for a little process time and reading time. I just finished A Whole In Our Gospel, if you haven't read it i highly recommend it. Anyway so as I'm walking back up i have to cross Alii Drive, which is one of the busier streets here so as I see a break in traffic I bolt it across with Carly. We continue on our journey back up and as we get closer to school i start ranting on about how my mom bought me and ipod touch and i never really liked it until i got here and how i love how good of pictures it takes, then all of a sudden i get this thought that i don't have my ipod. So i reach in my purse and start digging around and realize its gone. So i start hustling back down toward the beach and start praying allowed, "Jesus, please show me where my ipod is, I'm sorry i like it so much, if its in the road please protect it, I surrender it to you if you want it." By this time wherever my ipod is it has been there for at least 15 minutes. So as i get back down to Alii drive, which is still busy with cars i see my ipod within inches of where cars are driving. So i wait for a break in the traffic and run out to get it, thank you Jesus NOTHING was wrong with it!! It just sat for almost twenty minutes in the middle of a busy road inches away from the tire tracks of cars!!! WOW!! 

One Dollar:

Sunday night i was exhausted and was getting ready for bed and like seven o'clock, I was laying in bed reading Job and really trying to focus. My thoughts keep reverting back to this guy Mina in our DTS who was in the hospital the night before. I kept feeling like i was suppose to do something for him. So then I'm thinking what do you want me to do God. I felt like he was saying give him something of yours, so i looked around the room and i was like what should i give him? All i have are girl things. So i start looking around my room. Just then i thought what about a dollar for a coke but i then thought i don't have a dollar. Weeks ago God told Mina to give away all of his spending money and right after he did that, someone gave him ALL of HIS OUTREACH money and said God told them to give it :) talk about obedience!! So anyway that day he told this story i felt like i was suppose to give him a dollar for a coke. Because in his story he said, "now i have no money, for a coke or something." Side note Mina is from Egypt so you got to add in a bit of an accent with that. So anyway here i am laying on my top bunk bed and feeling like I'm suppose to give Mina a dollar that i don't actually have!! So i get this feeling like I'm suppose to get out of bed and go look for this dollar. So i turn and hop down from my top bunk and there sitting between my feet as i land is a folded up dollar bill, JUST ONE!!! And just so you are aware we had just cleaned and vacuumed our room and NOTHING was on the floor when i got into bed. So God called me to do the possible, GET OUT AND LOOK and He did the impossible, GAVE ME A DOLLAR FOR A COKE. 

Moral of the stories is that you have to be willing to jump into an empty pool and trust that God is going to fill it with water. HE can't fill it if you aren't willing to jump!! So am I ready to be used by God today?? I hope so.

Recap Week Three

I decided this weekend that I’m going to do my best to recap my weeks lessons so that I will have more thoughts to reread later and understand a bit better where I was at in this crazy BEAUTIFUL journey :) Plus anything in different colors is my thoughts! Enjoy all eight of you :)

Week Three-John Bills-Hearing the voice of God/Father heart of God

To start my speaker this week was John Bills, son in-law of Joy Dawson. He has been in ministry for 37 years and at a young age he prayed the prayer, “I want to commit my life to the destitute of the world” little did he know that he would be walking with people that have or are going through traumatic experiences.

1979- Laos, Thailand

John was staffing a YWAM crossroads DTS and got an application from a young man who was HIV+ instantly he wanted to write him a “nice” rejection letter and be done with it but then he was stop by the holy spirit inside him saying that Christ died for him also. So John made a phone call and asked the young man if it was okay if he disclosed his medical condition to other students in the DTS so they could pray about this young man coming to their DTS. The young mans name was Michael. Michael said that it was fine so John hung up with him and gave the others a call. Almost immediately all the students agreed that Michael was meant to be there and that he should accept him. When John called Michael and told him he was accepted all he heard was silence the slowly he started to hear sobs. John asked Michael if everything was alright and he said, “I’m just so used to rejection that I planned for rejection”

As this story was told tears welled up in the corners of my eyes. Someone is so used to being rejected that they plan for it, it breaks my heart. How did we get so lost along the way that we stopped or never started walking like Christ.

Notes:

Compassion; not feeling sorry for a person, but love beyond what we can love, through the power of Christ. 

We want so badly to be in control of our lives that we only give God parts or pieces of it but not all of it.

Seek God first.

Desperate need to know his character.

Although I have ALL of this,

I have struggled with this.

Giving up MY rights.

When things are good God is good, but when something bad happens to us we feel like God is distant. Following this we made Life time line by drawing a ruler on the paper and every millimeter was small things and every inch mark was traumatic events that if they aren’t dealt with then they become buried and later on down the road when something else occurs it triggers those emotions from something that wasn’t dealt with from before causing  the current event to seem even more traumatic  than it might actually be.

How do I get out?? Im stuck.

Pslams 23:3-4

He renews my strength.

He guides me along right paths,

Bringing honor to his name.

Even when I walk

Through the darkest valley,

I will not be afraid,

For you are close beside me.

Your rod and your staff

Protect and comfort me.

Ways to hear the voice of God:

·      Though others

·      Spend time alone, with God!

Check your life for hindrances if you aren’t hearing the voice of God

(idolatry, unbelief, love, independence, doubt, pride, substances, fear, comfort, reputation)

·      Don’t justify or think you deserve anything.

·      Freedom from things by releasing them to God.

1 Samuel 3:1-14, goodness I couldn’t imagine being directly spoken to from God!! Hearing his audible voice!!! Wow I would probably pee my pants!!! So this is all for tonight but ill continue tomorrow :)